Hello, dear readers,
It’s been a while since my last update, and I wanted to share what’s been going on, particularly with my mental health. I recently went through a depressive episode that lasted about three weeks, and I’ve been working on getting back to baseline while preparing for any future episodes. Here’s what I’ve learned and how I’m moving forward
Navigating the Depressive Episode
My depressive episode began about three weeks ago, with improvements starting around the two-week mark. During that final week, I was able to catch up on tasks and finally reach a more stable baseline. The episode impacted my daily life significantly – I didn’t put away laundry for over a week, the kitchen was a disaster, and we at out a lot more than usual. I put all my energy into being present with my kids and getting my job tasks done, but it was tough.
Key Factors in Recovery
Several factors helped me navigate this episode: therapy, naps, daily walks, positive self-talk, and, most importantly, patience with myself and others. There weren’t any specific turning points, but I do remember feeling frustrated when my therapist called me out for wearing sweats, eating unhealthy foods, and not putting in the effort to get more energy. I knew he was right, but it pissed me off at the time. However, the session became a wake up call and helped me realize the importance of spending energy to gain energy, even if it’s slow.
The Impact of Guild and Self-Blame
One of the most challenging aspects of this depressive episode was the overwhelming sense of guilt. Before becoming a mom, guilt wasn’t a significant symptom for me, but now its pervasive. I felt guilty about being depressed, about not feeling like a mom, and about being angry that I didn’t feel like a mom. It was a vicious cycle, and it intensified my depression. I realized that these feelings likely stemmed from years of not being seen as a “real” or “full” mom despite doing all the mom things.
Coping Strategies and Support
Maintaining daily walks and taking contact naps with my daughter were crucial coping strategies. Therapy also played a significant role, especially when my therapist called me out of my self-sabotaging behaviors. I received a ton of support from my husband, who was patient with me and took care of things at home, and from my mom, who was always there to listen.
Making Lifestyle Changes
To help manage my depression, I made a few lifestyle changes. I started eating healthier, tried to consume less sugar, and made it a point to get dressed every day, even if it was just comfy clothes. These small changes made a big difference in how I felt each day.
Preparing for Future Episodes
As I move forward, I’m paying close attention to signs of a potential manic or depressive episode. For mania, I’m monitoring any feelings of grandiosity or desire to start new projects or make unnecessary purchases. For depression, I’m keeping an eye on excessive sleepiness (beyond what’s normal for a new mom) and reduced hygiene, which is always the first thing to go for me.
My biggest plan is to keep spending energy with daily walks and movement. I’m balancing my responsibilities by getting as much done as possible on days when my niece is here helping so that I can enjoy more fun activities with my daughter and stepkids on days I don’t work.
Looking Forward
Right now, I don’t feel as guilty as I did during the episode, which is a relief. My current goals are to be more consistent with my side hustle/online business, maintain my physical health because it goes hand-in-hand with mental health, and work on being present and in the moment in all aspects of my life. I’m also focusing on slowing down. For so long, I’ve been rushing to get to the next step or stage, and now that I’m almost thirty, I realize I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself. Slowing down helps me be more productive, and I make more progress when I’m more productive.
Final Thoughts
If you’re going through something similar, I advise taking it one day at a time. Start with small movements, like a five-minute walk or stretch—it’s easier to keep going once you start. And most importantly, seek support, especially from a professional. You don’t have to go through it alone.
Thank you for reading and for your continued support. I’m committed to taking care of my mental health and continuing to share this journey with you.
With gratitude and hope, Stephanie
